


What Was And What Is Now

by iLibra



Series: The Rich Kid [4]
Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Adam is a Crybaby, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Drunk Talking, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Lots of tears, M/M, Reunions, Smut, not while being drunk though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-07 18:06:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5465903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iLibra/pseuds/iLibra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The past is catching up with Kaz and an unexpected meeting could change everything. He has to choose between walking through the door or going back to where he was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Past That Haunts Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought this series was done? Oh, you thought wrong.

Kaz couldn't believe what he was seeing on the screen. He blinked several times, and didn't even dare to touch the text icon with an all too familiar name. He looked over to the bathroom, where Adam was showering, getting ready to go home. Kaz had taken a shower before Adam and just as they switched positions, Adam going to the bathroom and Kaz to the living room, Kaz had seen the blinking that notified him of a new message. Kaz took a deep breath and finally touched the blinking icon. He read over the words that were being displayed. And then again. And again and again, not being able to get the words into his brain.

Kaz almost threw his phone on the floor when Adam's voice approached him.

"I'm gonna go now." he said, a blank expression instead of his usually cocky look on his face. Kaz spread out his hand, to pull Adam closer to him, but the blond boy just walked past it, bowing down and giving Kaz a particularly passionate Goodbye Kiss. Before Kaz could question if anything was wrong, Adam was already on his way to the door. He mumbled a quiet "Goodbye." and then Kaz could hear the door's lock click.

Kaz sighed and turned his phone on again, tapping the text icon, rereading the message to make sure he didn't just imagine that. But there they were. A few black letters and an all to familiar name.

 

John:  
_Meet me on the 19th at 8pm at the usual place._

 

Kaz was getting angrier the more often he read over the message. No "Hello", no "Sorry", no nothing. He just assumed that after over two years, Kaz would just come running as soon as he wrote him a time and a place. "Oh, and I will come running." Kaz thought bitterly. "I'll come running so that I can wrap my hands around your neck and fucking choke you."

He threw his phone on the couch, not even considering to answer him. It made him furious that John even still had the same number, after Kaz send him message after message when John had left. Kaz had asked him where he was, if everything was okay and if Kaz could help him somehow. After not receiving a single answer after a few weeks he had given up trying to reach John. He never got an explanation as to why he suddenly left and even though he racked his brain to think of a reason, he couldn't think of anything. And so he started drinking, after he lost his job. Kaz had just thought that that was it for him.

And then came Adam.

Even though their start was kinda fucked up, which was mostly Kaz's fault, he was glad things led up to this. Kaz carded a hand through his hair, still unsure of what to make out of this and sighed deeply.

 

A few days later, on the 19th of November at 8 pm, Kaz was standing outside of their "usual place", which was a small hamburger joint at the end of the street. Unsure if he should really open the door, he raised his hand and let it drop again and repeated that motion a few times. Kaz then huffed out a breath and pushed the door open, maybe with a bit too much force.

His heart was hammering like crazy in his chest, from both excitement and fear. He could hear his loud heartbeat drumming in his ears when he saw a familiar back, sitting on a table at the very back of the room. His feet felt like stones but he slowly made his way to the empty seat on the opposite side of the table. He noticed that a coffee with a bit of milk was already standing on his side of the table. John's black coffee was already half empty and when the older one noticed him, John gave him a tight smile.

Kaz just sat down without a word, gripping his cup and resisting the urge to throw the still hot substance right into the others face. John hadn't changed at all, the only thing that was different about him were the deep circles under his left eye, the right one still being covered by an eye patch. But his dark hair and his blue eye still had the same color as they had all those years ago, not a single strand of gray being there. There were a few moments of awkward silence until John spoke up.

"It's... good to see you again." John said with a tone that made it sound more like a formality that just had to be told. Kaz took a teasingly long gulp out of his coffee mug and placed it down again, crossing his arms.

"Can't say the same about you." he tried to prevent his voice from shaking, to sound more determined then he was.

"Still mad, huh?" John asked as if he had no idea of the actual issue, as if Kaz was just overreacting. John leaned back in his seat and slowly drank his black coffee. Kaz thought about really getting mad for a second, screaming at John about who he thought he was and how he could just leave him behind, disappearing without a word. But Kaz felt no desire to do so. Not yet at least. So he just settled for what he really wanted to know.

"What do you want?" he said, the And why now all of a sudden? went by unspoken. He tried to sound as unaffected as possible, but their months of intimacy were ghosting around in his head and started to rip at his heart. John took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment.

“I want to apologize.” John said eventually, looking deep in Kaz's eyes, making him feel like he could stare right into his soul. Kaz let out a bitter laugh at that statement, trying not to break eye contact.

“Oh, great. No hard feelings. Now, are we going to your place or mine?” Kaz huffed out with venom in his voice, and he leaned back in his chair, arms still crossed. “Or what were you expecting me to say now?” John stared at his coffee mug for a few moments and he probably had expected Kaz's reaction to be like this. He then roamed around the room with his eyes, searching for the right words to say.

“Listen Kaz.” John started and somehow this name sounded wrong coming out of his mouth, but Kaz did as told and remained silent. John sighed once more before he continued. “I had... my reasons to go. I wanted to build up something completely new and here just wasn't the right place to do so.” John looked in Kaz's eyes once more and Kaz could barely hold himself on his seat, digging his nails in his curled up hands.

“You heard that the security firm we were working at went bankrupt a few years ago, right?” John asked him. Of course Kaz had heard of it. It was a big story in their local news, although Kaz didn't bother to listen to the reasons why it had to close down.

“Yes, but why would I care? They fired me before all that.” Kaz admitted, letting his eyes wander over the small counter of the restaurant. There weren't a lot of people in here and since they were sitting in the very back of the place, he was sure that nobody could hear them talking.

“I noticed the issues of our company a few weeks before I left and I wanted to build something better, for guys like us. So I left and built something myself. It started small but is now evolving pretty quickly.” John explained, staring at Kaz again, even though the blonde was looking at the coffee machine standing behind the counter. A furious rage began to build in his gut and he had to hold himself back so that he wouldn't scream out his next words.

“And you couldn't have just taken me with you? Or maybe... just left a fucking message somewhere?” Kaz hissed through his teeth, making no attempt to hide his anger. His one hand was clutching the coffee mug while his other was still curled up in his lap.

“No, I couldn't. I had to do this alone.” John said in an infuriatingly calm tone. Kaz felt like John was just mocking him, like it would have been better if he never got a reason as to why John had left him. He should have just ignored the message and should have invited Adam over today. He thought about sending Adam a message when he got out of this whole mess, but then decided against it. Kaz wouldn't want to project all his emotional baggage on him, but he definitely had to talk to him tomorrow and confess his meeting with John today. Kaz actually managed to calm down a bit by thinking of Adam, but his anger wouldn't be completely stilled by that of course.

“Is that all? Because I would like to go home now, if you don't mind.” Kaz said. He wanted nothing more then to just go home and pretend that this meeting never happened. He noticed that he felt no love at all when he looked at John, only anger and disappointment.

“Kaz, I want you to come with me, to build up a new life.” John said.

Something in Kaz's mind snapped and John couldn't even look at how fast the blonde leaped from his seat, almost knocking over his coffee cup, while he tried to run to the door. But he wasn't fast enough and John held him by his wrist, standing up, as well. That action of course drew attention from the other few customers in the restaurant, but they quickly went back to eating after Kaz shot a threatening glare at them. Kaz then directed his attention back to John again.

“Let go.” he whispered in a tone dripping with anger.

“Kaz, listen-” John started but Kaz cut him off, his voice growing louder with every word he spit out.

“No, you listen. You just disappeared out of the blue and I had no idea what happened. I didn't know if you were dead or alive or if you got kidnapped by some psychopath. Do you have ANY idea how worried I was? Would it really have been so hard to reply to at least one of my fucking 100 messages?” Kaz coughed awkwardly when he noticed that he was now almost screaming in John's face and continued in a quieter tone.

“You ruined my life and you really think I would just come back to you now? For no reason?” Kaz shook off John's hand on his wrist, but didn't run away. John suddenly cupped his cheeks with both hands and Kaz's face flushed red with embarrassment, because he could feel the eyes of the other customers laying on him. Tears were starting to build up in his eyes, but he tried to swallow them down as best as he could.

“Kaz, I love you.” John whispered, not being affected by the public setting they were in at all. Kaz's heartbeat stopped and he didn't know what to do, his breath caught in his throat. When John slowly leaned in, Kaz snapped out of it and smacked John in the face, who stumbled toward the table they were just sitting at. John let his hand wander to the cheek, where a red imprint was starting to build, staring at Kaz utterly confused.

“You're too late.” Kaz whispered, more to himself than to John. He turned around again, so he could stare into John's eye.

“Fuck you.” Kaz almost spit into his face and turned on his heels, quickly making his way to the door. He didn't listen to John shouting at him, begging him to wait. He went through the door and as soon as he could breathe the fresh air outside he started to run, hoping that John wouldn't follow him. He just wanted to be as far away from him as he could now.

He only stopped running when he reached the front door of his house. Breathing heavily he leaned against the wall next to the door and tried to get his head straight. He wiped his hands over his eyes, slipping them under his sunglasses. Kaz was so mad at the fact that he almost cried in front of this man, but his tears quickly dried when he realized that he made the right decision.

It was almost pitch black outside and so Kaz quickly went into his apartment, determined to text Adam so they could meet up tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3
> 
> Sooo, I kinda have so many ideas for this AU that I'm continuing it and no one can stop me!  
> A big thank you to [tsudoku_library](http://archiveofourown.org/users/tsund0ku_library) for editing this and giving me advice :'>
> 
> Like always, feel free to write a comment or tell me what you think on tumblr :) ( [ilibra.tumblr.com](http://ilibra.tumblr.com) )


	2. The Fears He Had

When he opened the door to his flat, Kaz immediately noticed something was not right. All the lights in his apartment were on and he could hear a quiet sobbing coming from the living room. The thought of Adam being hurt made him run to the next room, where he almost tripped over the blond boy sitting on the floor. Kaz immediately checked if he had any visible injuries, but couldn't find any. They hadn't agreed on meeting up today, but since Adam had a spare key he could get in any time. Where the bottle of whiskey standing next to the couch came from lay beyond his knowledge. He had gotten rid of every alcoholic substance since he and Adam had started dating. When Adam noticed his presence, he looked up and his eyes filled with tears again.

“Adam, what are you doing here? What happened?” he said in a worried but gentle voice, slowly walking toward Adam, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor. Adam didn't seem to have heard what Kaz had said, because he started talking just as Kaz had finished his sentence.

"Kaz, don't you want me?" Adam said, spreading his arms out, as if he was expecting to be picked up, a slight slur to his voice. "Don't you love me?" he asked with a sob.

"Of course I love you, Adam! What are you talking about?" Kaz said, bowing down and cupping his cheek. Kaz was glad Adam seemed to be just a crybaby when he was drunk, and not an asshole like he was. Adam continued sobbing quietly.

"No, you don't! You'll abandon me just like everyone else." Adam said, sniffling. Kaz then wrapped his arms tightly around Adam's chest, pulling him into a tight hug. Adam's arms were still reaching for something, but he slung them around Kaz's neck when he hugged him, hot tears rolling down his face. 

"That's not true, Adam, and you know it." he said, threading his hand through Adam's short blond hair. Adam sniffed again.

"The- then w- what about Johnnn?" Adam stuttered over his own words. Kaz could smell the alcohol on Adam's breath, making him cringe. He had to stay strong now, for Adam. Kaz was so trapped in his thoughts at first, that he didn't even register Adam's words, but when he did, Kaz drew back and made a surprised expression.

"How do you know that?" he asked a bit nervous. Adam's face twisted to complete sadness, tears welling up in his eyes.

"So it's truuuue... you're gonna l- leave me and- and run away with John..." Adam sobbed, rubbing his hands over his face. 

"No, how did you come to that conclusion? We just... met each other today and talked about a few things, yes." Adam let out a shuddering whine. "But I would never leave you, Adam." Kaz tried to reassure him, and kissed his cheek. "You pulled me out of the misery he put me in, how could I ever leave you?" Adam just pouted at that, not quite able to connect the things that had just been said.

"Kaz... Kaaaaz..." Adam whined and looked at him with teary eyes. When Adam didn't continue and just stared at him Kaz gave him a smile.

"What is it?" Kaz tried to make his tone as gentle as possible. Adam looked down at the floor for a few moments. When he looked up again there was an embarrassed grin on his face, his eyes still full of tears that threatened to roll down any moment.

"I love youuuu..." Adam said eventually, in a sing-song voice, stretching out his arms toward him and Kaz embraced him in a hug again. It felt so good hearing these words from him right now.

"I love you, too. Didn't I just say that?" Kaz let out a low chuckle.

"I love you, Kaz... love you..." Adam mumbled and Kaz took advantage of his distraction and quickly threw Adam over his shoulder. Adam made a surprised "Gah!" sound and gripped the fabric of Kaz' shirt, almost digging his nails in.

"Are we going to make out now?" Adam asked with a sheepish giggle.

"No, we're going to sleep." Kaz answered in a serious tone.

"Whaaaat?" Adam protested and pushed himself up with his arms. He was incredibly strong for being this wasted. He tried to struggle and free himself from Kaz' grip, but Kaz held his stomach close to his chest. Adam pushed himself from Kaz' shoulders and stared at him. Adam's eyes were blurred and wet, not just from the tears but from the alcohol as well.

Adam leaned down with a long sigh, capturing Kaz' lips in a kiss before he could even react. His breath tasted like whiskey and beer and Kaz furrowed his brow in distress. As much as he loved kissing Adam, this taste was just too much for him. He walked to his bedroom as quickly as he could manage and threw Adam on the bed without warning, which brought a suppressed whine out of him.

"Owww..." Adam complained with teary eyes.

"Aww, come on, that didn't hurt." Kaz said and cupped Adam's cheek again, bowing over him on the bed.

"Yes, it did! You have to make up for this." Adam mumbled, an incredibly big pout on his lips. Kaz couldn't help but smile. He couldn't believe how vulnerable Adam could be when he was drunk.

"I will make up for this, don't worry. But not today, you're going to sleep now." Kaz reassured him. Adam started to cry again and Kaz both hated and loved that look on his face. He couldn't stand Adam being sad, but he also looked so cute when he cried. It always reminded him of their first unfortunate meeting.

"B- but what if I-" he was cut of by a shaking sob. "What if I wake up and you're gone?" Adam whined, trying to wipe his tears away with his hands.

"And why would I be gone?" Kaz asked, now cupping both of Adam's cheeks, wiping away the tears that rolled down.

"Because you wanna leave meee..." Adam whined again and Kaz let out a deep sigh. It seemed that reason wasn't something that would help him here.

"Look at me, Adam... Are you looking?" Kaz said, taking off his aviators.

"I _am_ looking." Adam answered, yet another pout on his face.

"Good." Kaz took Adam's right hand with his left and entwined their fingers, holding their now connected hands in front of Adam's face. "I'm gonna hold your hand and I'm not letting go until you wake up again, okay?" Kaz said with a warm smile.

Adam sniffed, some tears escaping his eyes again, but then he nodded. Kaz laid down on his side next to Adam. He quickly kissed his tears away again and noticed Adam's breathing evening out. His closed eyes and slightly parted lips told Kaz that he was already fast asleep, and he could only smile at how cute he looked right now. He placed a small peck on Adam's lips and cringed again at the taste of the alcohol. He drew back and decided to better settle with a kiss on his cheek instead, tasting salty from all the tears that fell that night.

When Kaz woke up in the middle of the night, he was still holding Adam's hand, but the younger one was now curled up against Kaz, their legs entwined. Having a look at Adam's sleeping face again, another smile formed on his face. He wouldn't change Adam for the world, not for anyone, not even for John. He felt no regret when he went through the door of that restaurant. As perfect as his time with John had felt all those years ago, nothing could make up for the betrayal he felt in those months and years after his sudden disappearance. He could never make up for all the days Kaz had wasted, drunk and high in that abandoned house, trying to forget his pain. John could never bring back that floating feeling in his chest he feels now every time Adam is smiling at him. He couldn't live with the thought of never being able to see Adam's peaceful sleeping face again.

When Kaz was perfectly honest, he was glad he got some closure on that whole mess regarding John. He was glad that he finally got a reason as to why he had left, even though he couldn't accept this reason in the slightest. But he wants to finally lock away this past that was haunting him for so long and move on with his new life. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep again.

When Kaz woke up again in the morning his hand and the other half of the bed were empty. He could hear the tap running in his bathroom, but was concerned when the sound of a retch dawned to him. He quickly stood up, still in his normal clothes, because he had had no chance to change yesterday. When he walked over to the bathroom, mindful not to make too much noise, he found Adam hanging over the toilet, breathing heavily.

Kaz knocked on the open door to announce his presence and Adam immediately whipped his head back and stared at him. His face flushed in a deep red and he made a distressed noise, turning back to the toilet and throwing up nothing but bile. Kaz sighed deeply, knowing that feeling too well and walked over to kneel down next to Adam. He let a warm hand rest on Adam's back and gave it some small, circling rubs. He waited there until Adam was done. Kaz stood up and took one of the cups they usually used for brushing their teeth and filled it with tap water, bringing the glass to the blond boy in front of the toilet. He took it and almost cleared it in one gulp, when Kaz stopped him.

"Not so fast, or you'll just throw up again." Kaz explained. Adam obeyed and finished the glass with little gulps, one after the other. Kaz filled another glass with water and peppermint mouth wash and Adam cleaned out the bad taste of throwing up from his mouth as best as he could. When he gave Kaz the cup back an awkward silence settled between them. Kaz could see Adam struggle with what he wanted to say and spoke up himself.

"We should go sit down somewhere more comfortable, don't you think?" he asked, slowly standing up and pulling Adam with him by his hand. They walked to the sofa, Adam clearly distracted by his own thoughts, and sat down next to each other.

"I'm sorry…" Adam said after a while, his face red with shame. Kaz could see that he was already close to tears again and he was biting his lip in distress.

"I'm sorry, Kaz. I can't believe I drank that much just when you're trying to stay sober…" Adam said, his voice slowly fading. Kaz wanted to answer him but could see that Adam had more to say, so he waited until he spoke up again.

"I just… I saw John's message on your phone. I didn't mean to look, but I saw his name and I just snapped…" Adam took a deep breath and then continued. "I saw that you would meet up last night and I… I was sure you would break up with me…" his voice cracked and tears were rolling down his face, an embarrassed look on his face.

Kaz couldn't sit and watch anymore. He took Adam's face in his hands, just like he did so many times before, and gently kissed his lips, the scent of peppermint filling his nose.

"I'm sorry for not telling you, Adam. I just wanted to cut all ties connecting him. I wanted to end this properly. When he asked me to come back to him, I told him he could fuck off." Kaz said in a low voice. "I should have told you beforehand regardless. I'm sorry." he pulled the younger one into a hug and rested his head on Adam's shoulder. Adam quickly wiped away the last tears and, to Kaz's surprise, began to chuckle.

"I'm... I'm so glad. And... now that we both apologized, how about you make up for yesterday? You promised." Adam said and leaned back, grinning like the brat he was.

"Wha- How can you remember that?" Kaz asked with a nervous laugh.

"I can remember like… half of the things that happened yesterday, and that is one of the things." Adam answered, a complicated look on his face, embarrassed because of the things he did and said, but proud because he could remember what Kaz had promised, regardless of the stupid reason.

"Okay, so what do you want me to do to make up for it?" Kaz gave in eventually, letting his hands slide along Adam's sides, causing a slight shiver on his body. Suddenly Adam's face flushed in a deep red, aware of the fact that he could ask anything he wanted from Kaz now. He bit his lip, too many thoughts crossing his mind at once.

Adam had an idea, but he was way too embarrassed to ask for something this silly and simple. He was sure Kaz would just laugh at him if he told him his wish. Adam settled for something dirtier then, sure that Kaz would also like the idea. He leaned in and whispered his desire to try something in his ear. Kaz nodded at this idea, but then stared at Adam with an intense look. The younger one flushed in a deep red, not because of what he just said, but because it felt like Kaz could stare right into his soul.

"That sure sounds good… But is that really what you wanted to ask? Come on." Kaz said with a grin on his face. Adam put his head in his hands, not being able to handle Kaz's stare any longer. He started to mumble something and Kaz leaned forward, so he could hear him better.

"What was that?" Kaz asked, carding a hand through Adam's hair, who still didn't move his hands from his face. Adam repeated himself, determined but embarrassed.

"There's this western I just got yesterday on DVD." Adam quickly cleared his throat. "I want you to watch it with me… and- and hug me and t- tell me that you're never… ever leaving me…" his voice faded off as closer as he got to the end, but Kaz was able to catch everything.

"Got it." Kaz grinned at him, standing up to get Adam's bag where he assumed the DVD Adam was talking about would be. When Adam handed him the movie, Kaz quickly put it in and settled back on the couch next to Adam.

At the beginning Adam couldn't stop bragging about the actors and scenes and the guns they used, but after a while he got awfully quiet. Kaz noticed how he was fidgeting with his hands, not being able to focus on the movie anymore. Kaz couldn't help but tease him for a few more minutes, but when Adam started looking uncomfortable he slung his right arm around the others shoulder and pulled him close to him.

"I haven't forgotten what you said, don't worry." Kaz said, leaning in and kissing Adam's temple. Adam relaxed and slowly put his head on Kaz's shoulder, his eyes still on the screen, but not quite able to catch what was going on there.

"You're such a tease." Adam mumbled, with a silly smile on his face. Kaz pulled at his shoulder, signaling him that he should sit on his lap, so that they were facing each other. Adam slowly dragged his right leg over Kaz's and sat down. He wrapped his arms around Kaz's neck and put his head on his shoulder again and Kaz started whispering something in his ear.

"I love you, Adam. I can't imagine ever going on with my life without you. You're so important to me." he declared his love to him and kissed him right under his ear on his neck again. Adam shivered under Kaz's touch and his face turned red at what he had just heard. He couldn't believe that Kaz really went with his stupid wish. Adam drew back from Kaz's shoulder and leaned in for a kiss, the movie that was still playing on the screen already forgotten. He could feel Kaz' tongue slipping into his mouth, drawing a low moan out of him. Kaz traced the line of his teeth with his tongue, their kiss growing louder and Adam was already panting like crazy. They only separated when Kaz pulled Adam's t-shirt over his head, tracing down his sides with his hands after that and Adam was already shuddering under Kaz's touch.

"How about we try to fulfill that first wish of yours now?" Kaz purred into his ear. Adam sighed when Kaz slipped his hands inside the back of his pants and underwear, cupping his cheeks with his hands.

"Sounds good to me." Adam breathed out, letting his head fall onto Kaz's shoulder again. Kaz was sucking at Adam's neck, covering it in kisses and love bites.

“Adam, could you get the lube real quick?” Kaz breathed into Adam's ear and the blond boy leaned back, twisting his upper body around and gathering the lube from under the table, not sitting up from Kaz's lap. They left a small bottle of lube in the drawer under the sofa table, simply in case that they would be too lazy to walk into the bedroom. He handed Kaz the bottle and leaned his head on his shoulder again, sighing and moaning while Kaz worked his lube coated finger inside of him.

While his one hand worked on stretching him, the other continued their work at petting and squeezing his butt cheeks, and Adam whimpered, leaning into his touch. Adam drew back from his shoulder and stared at Kaz with half lidded eyes and a deep shade of red on his cheeks. He reached out his hands and took Kaz's aviators, but instead of putting them down somewhere he put them on his own face. Kaz almost laughed at Adam's confused look and the squinting of his eyes when he noticed he couldn't see very well through the tinted lenses.

“Yes, those are not just for show.” Kaz chuckled and took them from Adam's face, setting them on the side of the sofa. “But since I'm nearsighted I can see you just fine, as long as you stay close.” he said and pulled Adam back down in a kiss again. Adam breathed heavily between their lips, when Kaz picked up his task at stretching Adam open again. Kaz worked his fingers in to the knuckle and Adam leaned his whole body weight down on him, moaning into his mouth.

Adam leaned back after a while and started to work on Kaz's belt with shaking hands. Kaz used that opportunity to suck at Adam's now exposed throat until Adam eventually got his belt and the fly of his pants open. Adam took Kaz's already half hard erection in his hand and started pumping his hand around it.

“Can't wait to ride me, Cowboy?” Kaz breathed out with a laugh. Adam's face flushed in an even deeper red at Kaz's words and Kaz could do nothing but smile and capture his lips in a kiss again.

“I can't wait to be inside you, either, Adam.” Kaz whispered in his ear and Adam had to bite his lip at that.

“S-stop that. Why are you so embarrassing today?” Adam whined and hid in the crook of Kaz's neck and Kaz resumed his work on Adam's throat again.

“But you like that, admit it.” Kaz grinned and let his hand wander to Adam's already dripping cock, which drew a choked breath out of Adam's mouth. He let his palm wander over the head and added just enough pressure that it was driving Adam insane. Adam pushed Kaz's hand away by holding his wrist and lifted his hips, silently telling Kaz that he was ready.

Kaz aligned the tip of his dick with Adam's entrance, never taking his gaze from his face, searching for any sign of discomfort in his features. When he couldn't find anything he gently rubbed Adam's thighs, indicating that he should lower his hips. Adam slowly moved down, taking inch after inch inside, already shuddering, while his breath was caught in his throat. When Adam took everything in, it became hard to breathe and Adam pressed his eyes shut. Kaz, who noticed that, gently cupped Adam's cheeks, stroking over his skin with his thumbs.

“Don't forget to breathe, Adam.” Kaz whispered to him, kissing every inch of his face. When Kaz let his hands travel down Adam's back, he noticed the stuttering movements of his chest and drew back to take a look at his face. Kaz was shocked to see tears run down Adam's face again. This really shouldn't become a new habit, although it looks cute, Kaz thought. He pulled him into a tight hug, stopping the beginning movements of his hips, whispering reassuring words into Adam's ear.

“It's okay... What's the matter, Adam?” Kaz could hear Adam swallow hard around the lump in his throat, trying to calm himself down, so he could speak.

“Sorry... I was just... so worried the past few days. I didn't know what I would have done if you just left with John.” Adam whined, trying desperately to swallow down his tears. He leaned back from the hug and rubbed his eyes, just like he did so many times already and gave Kaz an embarrassed smile. “Sorry.” he said again.

“Don't apologize so much. It's my fault that you had to worry about that so much.” Kaz said, pulling Adam down in a kiss again. He moved slowly against his lips, in an attempt to calm Adam down further. They spent a few minutes just breathing each others air, until Adam started moving his hips. Kaz gave him one last worried look, but Adam just smiled at him, his tears already dry.

“We can go on now.” Adam moaned, wrapping his arms around Kaz's neck, slowly moving his hips up and down. Kaz started to match Adam's rhythm with his movements, gentle at first, but becoming rougher as time went on. Adam slowly melted under Kaz' fingertips dancing along his shoulders and back and he was soon back to breathing heavily. He could feel his climax building up in the pit of his stomach, when Kaz moved his hand around his cock again. Adam eagerly tried to keep up with his rhythm, but his legs were starting to give out. Kaz then twisted his body, which drew a chocked sigh out of Adam's mouth, when he was suddenly pressed on his back on the sofa.

Kaz could reach that sweet spot inside of Adam much better in this position and the blond boy was soon reduced to a shivering and screaming mess under Kaz. The older one then reached one hand out to pinch one of Adam's nipples while the other hand still stroked Adam's cock and that was just too much for him to handle. With a shuddering breath he came into Kaz's hand. Kaz almost chuckled at how sensitive Adam seemed to be when his nipples were touched, something that he would definitely investigate further, next time. Kaz only needed a few more thrust until he reached his climax as well, breathing heavily into the crook of Adam's neck.

When both their breathing calmed down again they went straight back to kissing, not caring about the mess that was spilled between them. When Adam glanced at the television again, he quickly pushed Kaz off of his lips, and Kaz made a displeased sound.

“Kaz, look! That's my favorite part!” Adam grinned, his eyes fixated on the intense scene that was unfolding on the screen.

“Mhmm...” Kaz mumbled, not able to take his eyes of Adam's overjoyed face. He didn't quite get Adam's fascination for Westerns, but if they could make him smile like that, he could grow accustomed to watching them with him. Adam looked at Kaz for only a split second, before his eyes wandered to the screen again.

“You're not looking!” Adam complained absentmindedly, while his attention was still mostly occupied by the wild shooting that was happening in the movie.

“Okay, okay, I'm looking.” Kaz laughed, letting his gaze wander between the screen and Adam's face a few times. He quickly zipped his pants up again and searched for Adam's t-shirt, that had been thrown to the ground carelessly. He picked it up from the floor and pulled it over Adam's head, who refused to move his face away from the movie. Kaz settled down next to him again and put his hand on Adam's head, pulling him down to lay on his lap. Adam continued to tell Kaz all that he knew about the protagonists, locations of the shootings and real life references until they almost reached the end of the movie and Adam got awfully quiet all of a sudden. When Kaz looked down he saw with a smile that Adam had fallen asleep yet again. He let out a deep sigh, leaning back in his seat, while the credits were rolling.

He felt like he needed nothing more in this world than Adam's peaceful breathing and his warm body close to him.

This is it, Kaz thought.

This is it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Huh? Too many tears and fluff you say? There's never enough tears and fluff!)
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3
> 
> Again a thousand thanks to [tsudoku_library](http://archiveofourown.org/users/tsund0ku_library) for beta reading and helping me in general ;3
> 
> Tell me what you think in the comments or on tumblr! ( [ilibra.tumblr.com](http://ilibra.tumblr.com) )


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